Latest Tweets:
Yes, she said all of this stuff. Really.
“No. It’s too MUCH morning!”
“NEVER FORGET OR THE TERRORISTS WIN!”
“Look at you, being all serious. And nobody caring.”
“I cheated. I only fake-tanned my arms and legs. If I get drunk and get my butt out I’ll blind the horses.”
“I don’t know why I bother going to the gym when you’re so good at Photoshop.”
“Engaging your core is surprisingly easy when you’re trying to hold in a fart for the last half of class.”
“I feel like deep-fried AIDS. Health-wise, not to eat.”
“Hey, maybe I haven’t married YOU yet, fuck-face!”
“Promise me you won’t shave your head too because then you’ll just look like a tree made of skin.”
“Where are we going to go? To the magical land of vaginas and cake?”