February 2010
6 posts
I foolishly told her she'd never be able to...
“Sure I will. Next time we have sex when I’m finished I’ll spray you in the face with a seltzer bottle.”
Feb 23rd
246 notes
Jonathan Safran Foer said on TV that Turkeys are...
“Just like Rush Limbaugh!”
Feb 20th
99 notes
I was apologising for not being perfect.
“Aw baby! Sometimes you’re a dipshit, but you’re never a douchebag.”
Feb 18th
121 notes
She saw the new 'Computer Engineer Barbie'.
Look! They released Cam-Whore Barbie!
Feb 12th
33 notes
She likes KFC nuggets, but only in Australia, not...
“That’s because yours are made of chicken and ours are made of illegal immigrants or something.”
Feb 5th
137 notes
You know that TV show 'Hoarders'?
“I can’t watch that shit because I’m convinced I’m one two-month old magazine and a saved pickle jar away from being one of those people.”
Feb 4th
89 notes