November 2009
11 posts
I was wearing white pants, white shoes, a black...
“I hope the look you’re going for is ‘Pablo Escobar’s Interior Designer’ because you have totally nailed it.”
I told her about Tiger Woods' car accident.
“Was he taking driving lessons from Billy Joel?”
Wait, what?
“I don’t like getting oral sex when I first wake up because then my vagina will have morning breath.”
"Sweetheart," I said. "Wake up, it's morning."
“No. It’s too MUCH morning!”
I was running late for work. She told me it was...
“NEVER FORGET OR THE TERRORISTS WIN!”
She's supportive
“Look at you, being all serious. And nobody caring.”
Preparation for a day at the track.
“I cheated. I only fake-tanned my arms and legs. If I get drunk and get my butt out I’ll blind the horses.”
Retouching
“I don’t know why I bother going to the gym when you’re so good at Photoshop.”
Pilates
“Engaging your core is surprisingly easy when you’re trying to hold in a fart for the last half of class.”
She sent me an update on her day via text message.
“I feel like deep-fried AIDS. Health-wise, not to eat.”
After I answered someone's question as to why I...
“Hey, maybe I haven’t married YOU yet, fuck-face!”