October 2009
12 posts
I'm shaving off my beard to start clean-shaven for...
“Promise me you won’t shave your head too because then you’ll just look like a tree made of skin.”
I was whining about my career and suggested we...
“Where are we going to go? To the magical land of vaginas and cake?”
On buskers*
“You give them money for playing music in public? By that rationale, anyone who’s leered at my tits in public owes me a dollar.”
* That’s “Street Performers” for you Americans.
There were two bags of rubbish to take out. I...
“Just check and see if it clinks or stinks!”
Stuff YOUR Girlfriend Says
My girlfriend is pretty funny, but I bet that I am not the only person in the world who has a razor-witted spouse-equivalent-unit.
So I’m kinda keen to hear other people’s stories, tales and verbatim quotes of the crazy stuff that their girlfriends/boyfriends/husbands/wives come up with. If I get enough, and people are willing to let me, I’ll put them up on another blog.
So if you’ve got...
She's jealous of women with big enough breasts to...
“I can store things in my cleavage too. I just have to make sure I wipe really well.”
Her view on Kraft's new version of Vegemite.
“Let’s just hope when the zombie apocalypse comes we don’t have to eat the iSnack 2.0, because that stuff looks like someone did a Taco Bell shit in a jar.”
Did you know she used to be a flight attendant?
“I used to love it when people got off international flights and then got straight onto my little 50-seater jets. They’d ask me what their snack choices were, and I’d say ‘Yes, or no?’ with a big sweet smile on my face. Confused the crap out of them.”
It's not just basketball she hates. Netball too.
“If I wanted to see lesbians wearing cardigans tucked into mom-jeans, I’d go down the block and drink beer at the Builder’s Arms.”
After a long explanation on why I don't like emus.
“Ok. I get it. So they are the evangelical Christian republicans of birds - equal parts stupid, insane and dangerous.”
A friend mentioned that they liked watching...
“That’s because you’re a pervert. It’s not really a spectator sport if you’re just playing spot the camel-toe.”
We were watching the James Bond film...
“Rape sure looked like a lot more fun in the 60s.”
September 2009
18 posts
I flipped channels over to a basketball game
“Can you turn that off? It sounds like a dolphin-rape orgy.”