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Stuff My Girlfriend Says
Yes, she said all of this stuff. Really.
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Yes, she said all of this stuff. Really.
“Personally, I think she’s stunning. She’s probably pretty imposing in person. Like the first time you see an aircraft carrier in real life.”
“I only like it when I know you don’t want it. Consensual cuddling is so bland.”
“Man, if anyone ever came at me with a dental dam, I’d be like ‘What’s that for? Are you planning on wrapping up the left-overs?’”
“Getting a brazilian wax is like putting a spoiler on your car. You can go faster and everyone who sees it knows you care about your ride.”
“If you picked me up after work I’d be so happy I’d cry. On your penis. With my mouth.”
"Don’t even try to tell me I’m not a better person than someone who carries a collapsible walking stick."
We saw some people with those hiking poles. She was not impressed.
“It’s all right for you. Some of us have to smell like vagina all the time!”
